Simon John. Bulgarian Comic Genius!?!?

Well I seem to have a new pal on board. Jarina has decided that I am good company. She is married to the piano player in the Bulgarian band. (She is the singer) The trio who plays in the Centrum by the white piano.

I sat with them at dinner the other day. I had just heard about my son Lee’s sky diving misadventure, and I was telling her his news, and she was laughing out loud. “Oh man you are so funny” she said. Well I had an audience then didn’t I. So she got to hear the story of the superglue and my glasses, the Swiss army knife, the whole repertoire. She was rolling under the table practically. She had to keep stopping me, so she could translate into Bulgarian for her husband Peter. Then she told me that she “added a little salt” to the translation. Which I suppose means she spiced the story up a bit more. So after my adding poetic licence to events and her adding a little salt, I think I am going down as a Bulgarian Comic Genius. I think I did see Peter actually smile!

The next day they were at dinner again. Peter said in his bad English. She hasn’t stopped laughing for 24 hours. This is good now I don’t have to bother to talk to her.

So yesterday she said she would show me another internet place in Corfu where you can use wifi. So we got off the ship together and took the Shuttle bus into town. Her internet place was shut, so I said I would show her the one I go to. “How far Darlink?” She said in her Bulgarian Urther Kitt accent I explained that it was maybe only 10 minutes walk. It was one Oclock. We got there at 2.30. I hadn’t factored in the fact that she wanted to call in at every bloody clothes shop on the way. I remember something I had observed once before clothes shopping with women. I suggested that the changing areas should have a bar for the men to sit at. As the women come out of the cubicles every body could comment on what each others female companion looked like in their prospective purchases. A kind of fashion show. As I waited I amused myself thinking about that idea. At one point I decided to play the gay companion, “Very nice dear, would you like me to ask them if they do it in your shape?” She told me I was alarmingly good at that! I noticed as she was trying on the third outfit, the music going off in the store. By then it was 2pm. I said you need to hurry I think the lights are about to go out. Sure enough CLICK, one by one the shop lights went off leaving different parts of the place in darkness.

As I waited I started to develop my plan for a clothes shop with a mens bar idea even further. Hell if it had free wireless too, then we wouldn’t need to go to the internet place. It could even have a web cam, It is an idea that could go international. But then I suppose when the women come out of the cubicle to show themselves off, they would be ignored, because all the blokes would be looking over each others shoulders at some cutie one of them found on a web cam in the swim suit section in another branch in California!

So we eventually got to the internet place. I spoke to Lee and then I said to her hey it is 3 now we should start to get back to the ship. “Just another half an hour Darlink, ve ave plenty of time.” So then I thought who could I Skype now.

I was starting to panic. She was showing no sign of getting moving. I knew that we had an at least half hour walk back to the ship, that is direct walking, no stops. And she was experiencing cramps and the ship was leaving at 4.30. Eventually we got back aboard and went straight up to the windjammer café for food. When we finished eating she said. “You see we have walked back to the ship we have eaten and it is still now only 4.30. Why did you panic?” She got up to get a sweet and she said “Don’t get up it hurts too much” She was right we had been walking so hard to get back and then sat down to eat. My legs just wanted to give out under me when I got out of my seat. I walked round the other tables and involuntarily did the walking down stairs mime and disappeared from view. All I could hear was this hysterical laughter. She started talking to one of the Bulgarian waitresses in their language. “I am sorry she said I was talking in my language” I said I thought it was a PMT thing making her talk backwards. Well that what it sounds like to me “Vrup Brug Blod vick numbording” I said. I don’t know what it means but it made her laugh.

It’s dead easy being funny in Bulgarian!