Well I seem to have a new pal on board. Jarina has decided that I am good company. She is married to the piano player in the Bulgarian band. (She is the singer) The trio who plays in the Centrum by the white piano.
I sat with them at dinner the other day. I had just heard about my son Lee’s sky diving misadventure, and I was telling her his news, and she was laughing out loud. “Oh man you are so funny” she said. Well I had an audience then didn’t I. So she got to hear the story of the superglue and my glasses, the Swiss army knife, the whole repertoire. She was rolling under the table practically. She had to keep stopping me, so she could translate into Bulgarian for her husband Peter. Then she told me that she “added a little salt” to the translation. Which I suppose means she spiced the story up a bit more. So after my adding poetic licence to events and her adding a little salt, I think I am going down as a Bulgarian Comic Genius. I think I did see Peter actually smile!
The next day they were at dinner again. Peter said in his bad English. She hasn’t stopped laughing for 24 hours. This is good now I don’t have to bother to talk to her.
So yesterday she said she would show me another internet place in Corfu where you can use wifi. So we got off the ship together and took the Shuttle bus into town. Her internet place was shut, so I said I would show her the one I go to. “How far Darlink?” She said in her Bulgarian Urther Kitt accent I explained that it was maybe only 10 minutes walk. It was one Oclock. We got there at 2.30. I hadn’t factored in the fact that she wanted to call in at every bloody clothes shop on the way. I remember something I had observed once before clothes shopping with women. I suggested that the changing areas should have a bar for the men to sit at. As the women come out of the cubicles every body could comment on what each others female companion looked like in their prospective purchases. A kind of fashion show. As I waited I amused myself thinking about that idea. At one point I decided to play the gay companion, “Very nice dear, would you like me to ask them if they do it in your shape?” She told me I was alarmingly good at that! I noticed as she was trying on the third outfit, the music going off in the store. By then it was 2pm. I said you need to hurry I think the lights are about to go out. Sure enough CLICK, one by one the shop lights went off leaving different parts of the place in darkness.
As I waited I started to develop my plan for a clothes shop with a mens bar idea even further. Hell if it had free wireless too, then we wouldn’t need to go to the internet place. It could even have a web cam, It is an idea that could go international. But then I suppose when the women come out of the cubicle to show themselves off, they would be ignored, because all the blokes would be looking over each others shoulders at some cutie one of them found on a web cam in the swim suit section in another branch in California!
So we eventually got to the internet place. I spoke to Lee and then I said to her hey it is 3 now we should start to get back to the ship. “Just another half an hour Darlink, ve ave plenty of time.” So then I thought who could I Skype now.
I was starting to panic. She was showing no sign of getting moving. I knew that we had an at least half hour walk back to the ship, that is direct walking, no stops. And she was experiencing cramps and the ship was leaving at 4.30. Eventually we got back aboard and went straight up to the windjammer café for food. When we finished eating she said. “You see we have walked back to the ship we have eaten and it is still now only 4.30. Why did you panic?” She got up to get a sweet and she said “Don’t get up it hurts too much” She was right we had been walking so hard to get back and then sat down to eat. My legs just wanted to give out under me when I got out of my seat. I walked round the other tables and involuntarily did the walking down stairs mime and disappeared from view. All I could hear was this hysterical laughter. She started talking to one of the Bulgarian waitresses in their language. “I am sorry she said I was talking in my language” I said I thought it was a PMT thing making her talk backwards. Well that what it sounds like to me “Vrup Brug Blod vick numbording” I said. I don’t know what it means but it made her laugh.
It’s dead easy being funny in Bulgarian!
Sunday, 11 November 2007
Is fast food eco friendly'? and what never to say to an Elton John Tribute act!
Hi It was “a little bit funny” last night. I had this woman come up to me and say “Oh I really enjoyed your show last night, your Elton John was fantastic last night. I really enjoyed listening to you, and wasn’t the band good?” I replied to her “Wel thank you so much it is so nice of you to pay me such a wonderful compliment, It is always nice to have people say nice things, but I am afraid I have a confession to make. It wasn’t me!” She wouldn’t have it she was convinced that she had been watching me! It was Jonathan Kane, a headline Elton John Tribute Show In the theatre with the band!
I had an email from Jennifer in Kentucky. She is all excited because her company is doing business with a firm called YUM who owns KFC Pizza Hut and lots of other fast food brands. It is going to mean big opportunities for her. She is the company environmental consultant.
It has just occurred to me. Are fast food joints environmental at all? Isn’t this a contradiction, in so many ways? For One, I noticed in Venice, a lot of Mc Donalds waste paper and cups littered in the street. I actually went into the Mc Donalds in Venice today when I went to pick up my glasses. I had a Mac chicken burger. There were pigeons in the restaurant. Not just on the terrace, in the restaurant! Walking around the floor picking up scraps, and flying over head. Some people regard them as flying rats. I found it amusing that it was acceptable for everybody to be sat down with them all around, but it would be a different story if there were rats scurrying around your feet. Pigeons are worst, they go airborne. Thought that mayonnaise had a peculiar taste!
I have just had a thought. After I ordered my Mac Chicken Burger, I noticed one of the pigeons had gone missing. You don’t suppose Mc Donalds in Venice have already gone environmental do you?
As I was walking into Venice, I saw this guy walking my way. He looked like he was not familiar with the place, so I guessed he was trying to find his way into the town. As he got nearer, I wondered whether I recognised him. He was bald, a bit taller than me and heavy build, but of all things he had a look about him that prompted me to ask him. “Are you Jonathan?” yes he replied in an English northern accent. It was Jonathan Kane the Elton John act on the ship. I had never met him before, had only seen him in his fantastic show where it turns out he wears a wig. Well now I was even more impressed with him, because he has obviously gone to a huge amount of trouble to develop his act. On stage his mannerisms and not only singing voice but speaking voice is Elton to a tee. He even perfected the way Elton walks with his stumpy short little legs. Off stage in the street. Nothing like him, it is all in the act! How different to those sad prats that walk around all day looking like Elvis. We chatted for a while. I told him I live in Spain, he said isn’t it funny how we have all moved away. Or was it “It’s a little bit funny!” He now lives in France.
I told him that I thought he pulled off Elton John very well. Then realised what an unfortunate choice of words I used. I mean that has got to be the one thing not to say to an Elton John Tribute act! Along with what one Elton tribute act should never say on introducing them selves to another Elton tribute act. “Hello I’m Simon, I’ve been known to pull off Elton John on occasions as well!” We went our separate ways before we got to the Rialto Bridge. He probably thought he would get away from me before I offered to come over and fill his slot in the event that he was ever too busy!
I had an email from Jennifer in Kentucky. She is all excited because her company is doing business with a firm called YUM who owns KFC Pizza Hut and lots of other fast food brands. It is going to mean big opportunities for her. She is the company environmental consultant.
It has just occurred to me. Are fast food joints environmental at all? Isn’t this a contradiction, in so many ways? For One, I noticed in Venice, a lot of Mc Donalds waste paper and cups littered in the street. I actually went into the Mc Donalds in Venice today when I went to pick up my glasses. I had a Mac chicken burger. There were pigeons in the restaurant. Not just on the terrace, in the restaurant! Walking around the floor picking up scraps, and flying over head. Some people regard them as flying rats. I found it amusing that it was acceptable for everybody to be sat down with them all around, but it would be a different story if there were rats scurrying around your feet. Pigeons are worst, they go airborne. Thought that mayonnaise had a peculiar taste!
I have just had a thought. After I ordered my Mac Chicken Burger, I noticed one of the pigeons had gone missing. You don’t suppose Mc Donalds in Venice have already gone environmental do you?
As I was walking into Venice, I saw this guy walking my way. He looked like he was not familiar with the place, so I guessed he was trying to find his way into the town. As he got nearer, I wondered whether I recognised him. He was bald, a bit taller than me and heavy build, but of all things he had a look about him that prompted me to ask him. “Are you Jonathan?” yes he replied in an English northern accent. It was Jonathan Kane the Elton John act on the ship. I had never met him before, had only seen him in his fantastic show where it turns out he wears a wig. Well now I was even more impressed with him, because he has obviously gone to a huge amount of trouble to develop his act. On stage his mannerisms and not only singing voice but speaking voice is Elton to a tee. He even perfected the way Elton walks with his stumpy short little legs. Off stage in the street. Nothing like him, it is all in the act! How different to those sad prats that walk around all day looking like Elvis. We chatted for a while. I told him I live in Spain, he said isn’t it funny how we have all moved away. Or was it “It’s a little bit funny!” He now lives in France.
I told him that I thought he pulled off Elton John very well. Then realised what an unfortunate choice of words I used. I mean that has got to be the one thing not to say to an Elton John Tribute act! Along with what one Elton tribute act should never say on introducing them selves to another Elton tribute act. “Hello I’m Simon, I’ve been known to pull off Elton John on occasions as well!” We went our separate ways before we got to the Rialto Bridge. He probably thought he would get away from me before I offered to come over and fill his slot in the event that he was ever too busy!
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